Hmn.  I've stumbled upon a yoga thing on Netflix that is intended to help people with chronic back pain.  I've been thinking about resuming yoga as a meditative practice; perhaps this particular yoga training will help my back enough that I won't be quite so gimpy and hobbled during the winter.  Pain killers don't work, physical therapy exercises make it worse, and those heat patches only help so much.  Maybe this will help me to move at a more reasonable pace and posture again.  Fingers crossed.

Helping with the back pain or no, I can certainly benefit from some relaxation techniques.  I've been twisting myself up over the whole "shit, I can't afford to move to Chicago, not in this job market" mindset.  Yesterday, I nearly had myself convinced that I should just pick up and move there anyway, job or no job, just to get the fuck out of customer service and out of the Lehigh Valley.  Just pack up in January and go.  Find a roommate on Craigslist and fucking go.  I'm still tempted.  

I actually spoke about with with my mom last night.  Of course, this was when she told me that her company is going to be laying off 1,300 people locally (she's safe, but she's upset for the divisions being cut).  I really should be so incredibly deliriously grateful to have a secure job with a solid company and a place to live.  So I've been snapping at myself for being such a self-absorbed little fuck for hating my job and hating the fact I live with my parents when I should just be damn happy I have a job and a roof over my head.  But still, that doesn't ease the soul suckiness of customer service and of living in the middle of nowhere with your parents.  

Real estate is one of my mom's big hobbies, and she advised me to watch the housing market in spring of 2009.  She says the interest rates are dropping to between 0.25-0.5%, and I'd actually be able to buy a house by myself and pay less on the mortgage than I would for a 1 bedroom apartment.  We all know how much I want to be a homeowner, how I've been lusting after the Victorian row homes in Allentown since 2006.  So that's immensely tempting.  Hmn, move to Chicago and try to find a decent paying job while throwing away $900-1200 a month on rent for a 1 bedroom apartment, or stick it out in the goddamn Lehigh Valley for the next 3-5 years while paying $500-$700 a month on a 3 story, 5 bedroom, 2.5 bathroom row home with hand-carved moulding and stained glass windows?  Shit. 

I hate the area, but I love those row homes oh so much.  I STILL have the realtor's brochure for the first home I'd looked at in October of 2006.  I keep it at my desk at work to this day as a reminder of why I haven't walked out on that job yet.  Because I want so very much to have my own home, one with enough rooms so that I can turn one of them into a library.  And with the generous raise I was blessed to get for 2009, with the mortgage rates bottoming out, I may actually be able to buy my own house, by myself, and it will be cheaper than renting a shitty shoebox of an apartment.  But that would mean I have to commit to staying here for another 3-5 years in order to make the investment worthwhile.  But it's not like I'm going to be able to pop on into Chicago or Baltimore or New York and find a job that pays well and that makes me happy any time soon, not with the market being overflooded with people who have been laid off. 

If I was smart, I'd just fucking suck it up at the call center.  But I'm selfish and restless because I had that taste of escape and of hope for a real life in September when I had the marketing interviews out at corporate.  But fuck it all if the Metra system doesn't actually go to the location for the new corporate headquarters, so I would have to move to Wisconsin or something, when really I wanted to use my company to get situated in Chicago proper and get a job that's a better fit for my interests and skills.  Yeah, that little dream has to go on hold for the next 6-12 months while we all see what the economy does.  But in the meantime I could explore the housing options around here and figure out how much it really would cost to buy my very own dream Victorian house.  In an area I hate.  With a job that makes me miserable.  But it's a job, and it's secure, and it would pay for my very own dream Victorian house.  After all, I've worked damn hard to get my credit score back to a stellar range after my first attempt of living on my own.  I should celebrate my discipline and hard work by using that good score to buy one of those gorgeous old row homes up in the west end of Allentown. 

Feh.  I hate adulthood.  

I'm so incredibly discontent with my job and with this area, but I do recognize how bloody lucky I am.  I'm sure most people would kill to be twisted up with the "problems" I have.  So I'm fucking angsting over whether I should just pack up and take my chances in Chicago or if I should watch the housing market here in the Lehigh Valley.  Oh boo hoo, I hate my job.  At least I have one.  God, I'm driving myself up a wall.

Yes.  I think I'm going to try that chronic back pain yoga thing to see if it helps with my broken back and my broken ideas.  

Yeah, those of you who have no interest in NaNoWriMo should probably unfriend me for the month of November, haha.  I'm so consumed and so focused on this damn novel that I've really got nothing else about which to talk.  I would concede to being a loser, but I'm too enamored with my novel to care.  Seriously, it's incredibly refreshing to make such outstanding progress on a piece of writing.  By midnight on the 30th, I'm going to have an actual rough draft to pretty up and share with people.  How often does that happen?!  Seriously, I've not been this happy or this proud of myself since I broke up with my ex.  I'm truly excited with this project, and so you've all had to suffer with non-stop blather about it.  I'm actually thinking about creating a 2nd LJ account so that I can post excerpts of my story as I edit it come December (or even throw up some un-edited rough stuff now, because I almost feel that if I'm going to torment the lot of you with so much talk about it, it's only fair that you get to see what the hell I'm talking about, even if it is totally raw and full of errors and plot holes and stuff).  Thoughts on that?  Would anyone want to see a separate LJ for excerpts/serialization of the novel?

Anyway, there's really nothing else going on in my life at the moment because I just won't allow anything to distract me.  The whole interview/relocation to Chicago thing is on hold for the moment.  The HR recruiter had informed me last month that marketing wants to move forward with this, and the next steps is for me to go back out to IL for a few days to shadow the department.  Thing is, she told me this a few days before my right-hand credit memo lady left for maternity leave.  (I'm the company's senior CM rep, and in my branch we have 2 reps other than myself, one of whom is currently on maternity leave, the other of whom is still fairly new to the department and is still getting his footing.  We have 2 reps in the MN branch who have been doing CM duty for the last 6 months or so, but they're still getting their chops, too.  It takes a while to really get the hang of juggling credit memos, returns, and repairs, especially since IL tends to change the rules and procedures every 4 days or so).  So I can't really go anywhere until my other rep comes back to work to help pick up the work load.  Plus, we're in our 4th quarter crazy season, and even with the economy sucking at the moment, we're still flooded with calls and orders and credits and repairs and other assorted insanity.  So long story short, I can't go off to IL until January or so.  This pushes my planned move time back considerably.  Bah.  Anyway, with the economy being what it is, I'm kind of having 2nd thoughts at picking up and moving to Chicago at this time.  My whole thing was, "hey, if I don't like working at corporate, I'll just find a better job in the city because there's no way in hell I'm ever going back to customer service once I break out of that department!"  But that might not be safe or solid thinking until things stabilize.  Plus, moving is super expensive, and I'm just stressing over that expense at present.  I need to not worry so much about money and just get the fuck out to Chicago, but I can't really move forward with the interview/transfer process until I get my vetted CM rep back full time to help out my newer CM reps in my absence.  Plus, my vetted rep can take over my senior CM rep duties while I'm shadowing marketing and getting a real lay of the land out there.  Yeesh, when did I become so integral to the CM department?  Heh.  My supervisor is already dreading the day I leave.  She just about had a panic attack (along with my other CM rep) when I was in a sour mood the other week and was repeatedly expressing my wish to just walk out of there and never come back.  I had to reassure both of them that I wasn't actually going to up and quit at that moment, but they're both kind of jumpy about the idea of me leaving.  It's nice for the ego to feel so needed and valued.  But yeah, I know my vetted rep will be an excellent replacement for me when I leave.  I'm just not allowed to do it until she comes back. 

In the mean time, I'm going to start compiling lists of apartments in the Ravenswood area and keep an eye on roommate ads while I'm at it so that when I *do* finally make it back out to corporate, I can start looking at places and meeting people.  Fingers crossed, people, that this works.  I'm more than ready to get back out there and cultivate an urban social life.  I'm just becoming more restless and aggravated with the Lehigh Valley and my ultra-rural living situation as time goes by.  I need to live close to the pubs and clubs and cafes and close to friends and lovers and everything.  Which reminds me--the Alberto situation has been resolved!  The annoyingly aggressive Italian has finally taken the hint and has promised me he'll leave me alone now.  Huge relief, huge success! 

So yeah, life is awesome despite being stuck in the Lehigh Valley for a few more months.  I'm very dissatisfied with my current living situation and with the social scene in the area, but I know that it won't be long until it's all just a bad memory.  Even though the Chicago move is being delayed by a few months, it's still got to happen, economy be damned!  I don't want to have to move in with a roommate, especially a stranger, but if that's what it's going to take, then that's what I'm going to have to do. 

Yeah, so, does anyone want to move to Chicago with me?  Mina will be really fun to live with, I promise!  YOU LOVE PRICKLY CLAWED KITTIES WITH A TASTE FOR HUMAN BLOOD!  

So this November will be my third year participating in National Novel Writing Month (and I'm not sure why I spelled the whole thing out, because 99% of my friends are quite aware of what November is. . .). I failed miserably the first year because I broke the first cardinal rule and tried to use NaNo as the kick in the ass I needed to finish my Fox novel. Yeah, breaking the most important rule of the challenge isn't a wise idea if you want to actually succeed. I really did have too much emotion and attachment invested in my Fox story, so I missed the whole point of drop-kicking my inner critic into a vat of bubonic plague riddled Gila monsters.

(Ooooh, speaking of which--kinda--I have decided that I want to be a plague doctor for Halloween, but I'm fretting over how I can possibly make the mask. But yay, plague doctor! I'll get to poke people with a stick if they approach me! My fall-back plan will be Mrs. Lovitt since I already have all of the necessary components in my closet. Yay for brandishing a rolling pin at people who approach me! Are we noticing a theme for this year's costume?)

I was a NaNo winner last year with my satire of my job and personal life (Thirty More Years: Life and Love in the Corrugated Cult).  However, I still can't bring myself to edit it and share it with people.  After all, I still work in that office, I still work in customer service, and I still face the people involved every fricking day.  So it's not really a satire in my mind, not at all amusing, because IT'S STILL MY LIFE.  So reading over it at this point is just too damn depressing.  Plus, I don't think enough time has passed between those awful events of 2007 and now-- it still hurts too damn much to think about, so I really don't want to read about any of it or relive any of those episodes in the excruciating detail that was poured out in that draft.  Plus, given the events of earlier this year, it would just make re-reading my draft that much more bitter.  Yes, we'll save my sad little satire hidden away on a secret drive until I've left PA and have put enough time and distance between myself and those involved.  Maybe then I'll be able to approach it with the dark humor it's supposed to convey.

( This year's NaNoing insanity. . .in advance! )

Of course, at some point during all of this, I need to schedule a trip to Chicago.  Marketing wants me to go back out and shadow some of their associates for a day or two, and I need to look at some of the apartments in Ravenswood.  Oooooh, maybe I can do this in November, then attend a NaNoWriMo event in Chicago-- that would be an excellent way to meet people out there and make some contacts and potential friends before I even move out there!  

All right, all right, I need to calm down and tackle one thing at a time.  First, plague doctor costume.  Second, prep myself for NaNo.  Third, prep my NaNo buddies and plan events.  Fourth, prep for Drac's Ball.  Fifth, Chicago!  

( Ravenswood, home sweet home! (beware of random tense changes in this entry. I'm too tired to go back and clean them up) )

Haha, the more I look into it and the more I think about it, the more I want to live in Ravenswood.  My goal is set!  

Oh, and I found the most perfect book on Sunday: Zombie CSU: The Forensics of the Living Dead by Jonathan Maberry.  It's a forensic science manual for investigating zombie-related crime scenes.  I've educated myself on how to fend for myself in a post-apocalyptic zombie-infested world with The Zombie Survival Guide.  Now I  can learn how to take them down in a court of law.  I'm sure there's a market for that somewhere in Chicago . . .

(inspired by freydis )

Take a picture of yourself right now.
* Don't change your clothes, don't fix your hair...just take a picture.
* Post that picture with NO editing.
* Post these instructions with your picture.

( this is me moments before I slip into a food-coma )
(hahaha, I didn't notice until after I posted that my clothes coordinate well with my LJ color scheme.)

I'm wrapping up day 4 of my trip to corporate.  My interviews with marketing lasted for close to 3 hours yesterday, and they want me to come back tomorrow afternoon to meet some of the other directors and to shadow some of the associates.  I'm so incredibly intrigued by life at corporate.  I really liked what the merchandising director and the product manager had to say about the job and what they expect and how employees are evaluated, and I'm eager to see the actual office and the people who would be my colleagues should I move out here.   I've heard the advice that I'd be happy living in Chicago and commuting by train to Waukegan.  I know I'd be happier living in Chicago proper, but I don't know if I'd be able to afford it.  But then again, I'm looking at it from my customer service rep's wages.  I haven't even begun to talk to corporate about what marketing and merchandising reps make.  It's worth looking into, one way or the other.  It would make me more eager to move out here if I was in the city proper.  Hmn. . .

Anyway, I look pretty dazed and stupefied in the pic above because I'm seriously ready to go into hibernation.  I'm in Waukegan with 3 coworkers from our PA branch, and we've gone out every night.  I never thought I'd say it, but I'm getting really tired of food.  I mean, I adore food, and I love going out to eat (and yay, what better time to do that than on a business trip when you're going to get comped for everything?).  But seriously, my stomach hates hates hates me right now.  Today alone I had cheese curds (haha, we're just south of the Wisconsin border, and last night we went to Texas Roadhouse up in Kenosha.  On the way, we made a side trip the Mars's Cheese Castle.  Because you can't go to Wisconsin without going to a cheese castle.  C'mon.  But I didn't buy any cheese.  I spent my money on a bottle of Vampire Wine.  Because that's what *I* do when I'm in Wisconsin.  Mmmm, Vampire Wine. . . . Anyway, long story short, one of my companions bought cheese curds and we noshed on them this morning, and the four of us are now hopelessly addicted).  The cheese curds were so tasty, I convinced everyone that we absolutely *had* to go to Culver's for lunch.  I was craving a ButterBurger and their deep fried cheese curds, and I was hoping they had the pumpkin spice milkshakes again this year (oh, what a treat that was when I was out here last year for Melissa's credit memo training!).  For dinner, the user testing project managers took us to a hibachi restaurant.  Seeing how I was still stuffed from meals at Rainforest Cafe, Culver's, Jimmy John's (incredible subs with even incredibler pickles), Steven's (posh bistro), Texas Roadhouse, and this extraordinary Italian cafe, I thought I'd be clever tonight and just get some sushi.  It's light, it's healthy, it won't put me over the edge and cause me to burst at the seams.  

Ha.  Hahahaha. 

When I requested the sushi menu (I couldn't even risk being tempted by the hibachi menu), they gave me one of those preprinted menu slips and a golf pencil.  I got excited and started checking off my favorite types, the red snapper, whitefish, yellow tail,white tuna, and ooooh, look, they have sweet shrimp!  And so on.  Then I took a look at the hand rolls and checked off a few items on that side, too.  That was my fatal error.  I thought the rolls were served 1 piece per order, just like the Nigiri.  I ended up ordering 7 pieces of Nigiri and 2 types of rolls.  Okay, that's really a lot right there, especially considering how I really wasn't hungry (dude, I'm still trying to figure out what the hell I was thinking, eating cheese curds-- fried AND fresh-- a ButterBurger, AND a pumpkin shake!  My stomach isn't that big to begin with!).  Try and imagine the look on my face when the waiter hefted my plate onto the counter before me.  The hand rolls apparently come 6 pieces per order.  So I didn't get 7 pieces of sushi and 2 rolls.  I got 7 pieces of sushi and 12 rolls.   Oh my god, the pain.  But it was sooooooo gooooooood! 

I can't breathe right now.   Have you ever seen that Kevin James stand up routine where he comments on how bad his physical fitness is that he can't even finish a Big Mac without needing a nap?  He says he's like a bear who's been shot with a tranquilizer, and then he proceeds to do an impression, complete with labored breathing and snorting.  That's me, right now.  I can't even handle the idea of eating again any time soon.  But we're going to Medieval Times tomorrow night, and that's a shitload of chicken and potatoes right there.  I'm so exhausted from running all around northern IL and so stuffed to the bursting point from big heavy meals, I'm going to get home Saturday afternoon and slip into hibernation.  I think I've got enough fuel stored to last me through next spring.

It's been a good week. 

My team lead is very fond of politics, and she and one of my credit memo reps were chatting about McCain's POW experiences.  They were having a fairly profound and empathetic discussion, and it was good for the soul to hear two people engaged in an intellectual and respectable exchange of ideas.  My contribution?  I looked up from the credit memo report I was reviewing and said, "Hmn.  Didn't they spoof that on Family Guy?"

Yeah.  I'm deep.

Anyway, my personal dipshittery aside, things are moving at a good clip on the marketing associate/new job front.  I spoke again with the corporate recruiter, and at her request I sent her some writing samples (nothing creative, all work documents I've created over the past year to give the powers that be a sample of my insight and analytical skills where department and product issues are concerned, as well as some training materials I've created for my credit memo reps).  She says she spoke with the marketing director (who happens to be the son of the owners of the company) and the merchandising director, and evidently they're all very excited about my interest in relocating and they're looking forward to meeting me.  I'm going out to IL the week of the 15th anyway as I'm taking part in a user testing program for the new order entry system that's rolling out later this year/early next year.  The corporate recruiter told me the marketing and merchandising directors would like to meet me that week as well, and she (and possibly the dept. directors) will be taking me out to lunch. 

( Blah, blah, blah )

And  on a purely frivolous note, I found my dream boots, at long last.  They incorporate every element I love in a boot.  And they were on sale, and I had further discounts.  I've been calling them my Fox boots ever since I saw them, and they were finally delivered yesterday.  Like a rabid ferret, I annihilated the poly mailer that was wrapped around my most precious Fox boots. . . . and was immediately struck dumb as I looked down on the gorgeous adorable wonderful magically captivating red fox peering up at me from the boot box.  

Yes, ladies and gents, it would seem Bronx Shoes includes a red fox in the otherwise urban-themed decor on their shoe boxes. I'm sitting here giggling madly at it as I type this.

Oh, and the boots are even more perfect in person.  And they're sinfully comfortable.  Of course they are.  They'd have to be if this is what I'm to wear when trolloping about Sighisoara.  Or Chicago.  Fox is nomadic by nature.  I can be, too.  Mina's not really nomadic by nature.  But she'll have to learn to like it, silly kitty.  She can't stay with my parents. . . my mom longs for a cuddly lap cat.  Mina's cuddly, all right. . . in a prickly fang-and-claw kind of way.  But I have versatile comfy Fox boots now.  Mina will just have to learn to like the adventurous lifestyle that awaits! 

Hmn.  I had a phone interview today with the corporate recruiter for my company.  I noticed last week that corporate had posted a ton of job openings, including those for marketing associates and copyeditors.  I spoke with my department manager and my branch's HR recruiter, and the last week and a half has been an exhilerating and terrifying exercise in planning a new life for myself: the way things are going, I might be moving to Chicago in January.

As fate would have it, I'm spending a week at corporate as part of the user test group for the new order entry program that's rolling out this winter.  You can be sure part of that week will be spent with the marketing department and the creative department so I can get a lay of the land, as well as scouting apartments in the Waukegan/Zion/Kenosha areas. 

(random aside. . . I've got "Ghost Whisperer" on as background noise, and I'm absolutely horrified by the mouth on the woman playing the professor guy's old flame.  No kidding, the lips taking up 1/3 of her face could make Jolie's cower in shame.)

( must keep writing and rambling to distract myself from the grotesque slug lips )

Of course, I'm still keeping hermitude in Romania as my plan B should everything else turn sour.